Tag Archive: addiction


“I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.”   John 6:51

I love food.  I have always loved food.  Since very young I have been taught to enjoy inhale food, especially high caloric, high fat options.  I am an addict, and like a druggie grasping for a needle, pulling tightly on the elastic wrapped around my upper arm, desperate for quick release, a familiar euphoric state, just a moment of relief… I wildly search for my next fix.

I have been should be preparing a book proposal.  I have hundreds of short stories that I need to find a common ground, a thread of similarity, an iota of connection so I can organize them into a book that actually makes sense… by next week.

I have a publisher meeting with three different editors in 10 days, and I have no passion.  No drive.  No real hunger.

I sit down at my computer and look over these amazing stories God has given me, and I sort, shuffle, sift, and sort again.  I take some from one pile and shift to another.  I get up, walk to the kitchen to clear my head, open the fridge and close it again, stretch a bit, and return to the laptop only to shift things back to original positions.

I can’t find my way.  I can’t feel God’s leading or hear His voice.

My head falls into my palms as tears fall down my face.  I cry out for help, desperate for answers.

I push my chair back and head into the kitchen again.  I feel the cool air on my face and neck as I stand before the open freezer, looking for something, anything to move this writer’s block.

Mint chocolate chip.

Yup, that should do it.

I grab a spoon and dig in.  No need for a bowl.  I close my eyes as the creamy, cool, minty sweetness embraces my tongue and runs lazily down my throat.  A delightful moan passes my lips and I let out a contented sigh.

I put the gallon back into its frozen abode and head back to the computer.

I sit down, take a deep pacified breath, shuffle a few more stories, write a couple sentences, and my mind wanders.

Just one more spoonful.

I shake the thought off, and return my gaze to the computer screen unable to focus.  I start shifting stories again, exasperated huffs filling the room while I struggle with the layout.  I wriggle uncomfortably in my chair and exhale frustratingly.   I look away from the screen, close my eyes and irritatingly punch keys, trying to write.  My mind whirls as I muddle through words.

It all comes to a head and I stop typing.  I push back from the desk and move quickly toward the place I know I can find comfort, satisfaction, answers.  I yank open the freezer and grab my next fix.

Isn’t that just how our adversary wants us?  Desperate; grasping and clawing the air, trying to find delight and joy, comfort and peace, justification and answers in anything other than the One who can truly supply it?

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith… And the God of all grace…will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”   1 Peter 5:8-10

I have heard of people fasting, or giving up food for a specific amount of time in order to seek spiritual renewal or guidance.  A time for a person to spend praying specifically and strategically, humbling themselves so that the Holy Spirit will stir their soul.  But I have never understood it,

…until yesterday.

Yesterday I saw how easily I have allowed the devil to steal my focus, pillage my passion, and heist my devotion.  I have allowed him to seduce me and take my eyes off of Jesus, and I hadn’t even noticed.

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”   James 4:7

Instead of finding satisfaction in my God, I sought out food.

Instead of finding delight and truth in His Word, I pursued fleeting joy.

Instead of true comfort and answers, I chased empty promises.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.”   John 6:53

No more.

 

“When they deliver you over, do not be anxious how you are to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you in that hour. For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.”   Matthew 10:19-20

Oh, I just praise God and His timing!!

I receive a daily devotional each morning from Proverbs 31 Ministries.  Now, I don’t always get a chance to read it…but every once in a while I do.

A few days ago God prompted me to read one about loss and God’s plan.  It was called: “If God Loves Me, why…” by Renee Swope.

It touched my heart and I immediately wanted to share it, but God at that moment didn’t lay anyone on my heart to forward it to.  He just quietly told me to wait…

Save it.

This morning I got an email from a friend I haven’t spoken to in a while.  She confided in me that she just recently found out she was pregnant, and almost just as quickly was miscarried…for a second time.

She was very sad, feeling as if someone had ripped out her heart, and felt very alone because really, no one knew.

God immediately brought to mind the devotional I had stored away for another time…

“For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place… And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”  Esther 4:14

I read through the devotional again, and it wasn’t one on loss of a child or even a loved one.  In fact, it was about heartbreak and hurts in our past, so I wasn’t sure this was what my friend needed… but God continued to prompt me to send it.  It was about His plan for us through every trial, tragedy, and storm so I sent it…although I did warn her to read it when she had time, because I sent it to her at work!!

My friend’s response was awesome, and I praise God for His perfect timing and for sending her the right words…

“Ok so I couldn’t wait…..I read it choking down my emotions in between answering the phone.  You know what…..I am so glad I did.  I just sighed and thought, I can do this, I’m ok!!!  I have time in my life.  Almost a relieved feeling.  How amazing…..

Thank you again and again, I needed to read that today! 

It meant a lot especially because of my past.  I don’t know what I’ve ever told you but I had a bad history with my parents with alcohol in my past but didn’t let that slow me down.  But……as I was reading it, it touched home that way and what I’m going through now. ”

Praise the One in whose timing and words are perfect!!

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