I weighed myself this morning.

I don’t advise it.

The number on the scale is almost 30 pounds up from my lowest weight.  You see, about six years ago I used to weigh around 230 pounds and I worked hard, found my rhythm and lost the weight.  You can read about it in my post: My Motivation

But over the last year I changed my focus; trading in workout for writing and have now found myself at an impasse.

I am satisfied with my writing; I started a blog and went to a writer’s conference, but have been quite frustrated with the lack of guidance and leading I feel God should be providing.  I desperately long to write, but have found no doors opening.

And the more I focus on my passion for writing and not exercise, I have found myself soft, lazy and in the place I was before when I weighed 230 pounds…

miserable and questioning.

What is going on?
Why is this happening?
Is this the wrong path?

Jax and I teach the kids that we must work hard in this life.  Of course God can help make things easier at times; allowing a good grade on a test not studied for, or produce an outstanding crop not tilled well.  But those provisions are not the norm.

Because of the choices made so many years ago in a garden of perfection, we must now work to achieve a desired result.

“…cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground…”   Genesis 3:17-19

So why wouldn’t this apply to me?

I worked hard for five years learning how to treat myself; working my muscles and fueling my body, but what have I done with those tools?

I go eight months doing little more than walking the dog and when I get back into working out, I go like gang busters for one whole week, while filling my belly with s’mores, cheesecake, ice cream and birthday cake, then Monday morning rolls around and when I step on the scale I’m surprised by the jump in the numbers.

I feel God’s call on my life to write and He hands me an amazing opportunity to attend a writer’s conference, He gives me tools to build my ministry and write more effectively, but what have I done with those tools?

Sure, I’ve sent in a few articles here and there, I’ve guest posted on friends’ blogs while keeping my own up to date, but I have been playing it safe.  I haven’t done the work because I don’t want to hear the “thanks but no thanks” replies.  I don’t want to hear the “you’re not good enough.”

I don’t want to use the tools because I don’t want to fail.

But isn’t it failing if I’m not putting in the work required?

NO MORE.

It’s time for me to pull up my big girl panties.  God did not place me on this earth to sit idly by.  We are called for a purpose, and we must do the work… walk the path, write the words, pick up the weights.

Oh Lord, you can make the crops grow, you can bring the sun to warm and the rain to feed, but if I don’t prepare the soil or if I don’t cultivate the produce, I won’t get a good crop.  Please give me the desire to make good choices, help me to do the work necessary to give you the most glory and to fulfill the plan you have for my life. 

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”   Romans 12:1

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”   Romans 12:2

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