“I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.” John 6:51
I love food. I have always loved food. Since very young I have been taught to
enjoy inhale food, especially high caloric, high fat options. I am an addict, and like a druggie grasping for a needle, pulling tightly on the elastic wrapped around my upper arm, desperate for quick release, a familiar euphoric state, just a moment of relief… I wildly search for my next fix.
I have been should be preparing a book proposal. I have hundreds of short stories that I need to find a common ground, a thread of similarity, an iota of connection so I can organize them into a book that actually makes sense… by next week.
I have a publisher meeting with three different editors in 10 days, and I have no passion. No drive. No real hunger.
I sit down at my computer and look over these amazing stories God has given me, and I sort, shuffle, sift, and sort again. I take some from one pile and shift to another. I get up, walk to the kitchen to clear my head, open the fridge and close it again, stretch a bit, and return to the laptop only to shift things back to original positions.
I can’t find my way. I can’t feel God’s leading or hear His voice.
My head falls into my palms as tears fall down my face. I cry out for help, desperate for answers.
I push my chair back and head into the kitchen again. I feel the cool air on my face and neck as I stand before the open freezer, looking for something, anything to move this writer’s block.
Mint chocolate chip.
Yup, that should do it.
I grab a spoon and dig in. No need for a bowl. I close my eyes as the creamy, cool, minty sweetness embraces my tongue and runs lazily down my throat. A delightful moan passes my lips and I let out a contented sigh.
I put the gallon back into its frozen abode and head back to the computer.
I sit down, take a deep pacified breath, shuffle a few more stories, write a couple sentences, and my mind wanders.
Just one more spoonful.
I shake the thought off, and return my gaze to the computer screen unable to focus. I start shifting stories again, exasperated huffs filling the room while I struggle with the layout. I wriggle uncomfortably in my chair and exhale frustratingly. I look away from the screen, close my eyes and irritatingly punch keys, trying to write. My mind whirls as I muddle through words.
It all comes to a head and I stop typing. I push back from the desk and move quickly toward the place I know I can find comfort, satisfaction, answers. I yank open the freezer and grab my next fix.
Isn’t that just how our adversary wants us? Desperate; grasping and clawing the air, trying to find delight and joy, comfort and peace, justification and answers in anything other than the One who can truly supply it?
“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith… And the God of all grace…will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” 1 Peter 5:8-10
I have heard of people fasting, or giving up food for a specific amount of time in order to seek spiritual renewal or guidance. A time for a person to spend praying specifically and strategically, humbling themselves so that the Holy Spirit will stir their soul. But I have never understood it,
Yesterday I saw how easily I have allowed the devil to steal my focus, pillage my passion, and heist my devotion. I have allowed him to seduce me and take my eyes off of Jesus, and I hadn’t even noticed.
“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7
Instead of finding satisfaction in my God, I sought out food.
Instead of finding delight and truth in His Word, I pursued fleeting joy.
Instead of true comfort and answers, I chased empty promises.
“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.” John 6:53