“I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.”   John 6:51

I love food.  I have always loved food.  Since very young I have been taught to enjoy inhale food, especially high caloric, high fat options.  I am an addict, and like a druggie grasping for a needle, pulling tightly on the elastic wrapped around my upper arm, desperate for quick release, a familiar euphoric state, just a moment of relief… I wildly search for my next fix.

I have been should be preparing a book proposal.  I have hundreds of short stories that I need to find a common ground, a thread of similarity, an iota of connection so I can organize them into a book that actually makes sense… by next week.

I have a publisher meeting with three different editors in 10 days, and I have no passion.  No drive.  No real hunger.

I sit down at my computer and look over these amazing stories God has given me, and I sort, shuffle, sift, and sort again.  I take some from one pile and shift to another.  I get up, walk to the kitchen to clear my head, open the fridge and close it again, stretch a bit, and return to the laptop only to shift things back to original positions.

I can’t find my way.  I can’t feel God’s leading or hear His voice.

My head falls into my palms as tears fall down my face.  I cry out for help, desperate for answers.

I push my chair back and head into the kitchen again.  I feel the cool air on my face and neck as I stand before the open freezer, looking for something, anything to move this writer’s block.

Mint chocolate chip.

Yup, that should do it.

I grab a spoon and dig in.  No need for a bowl.  I close my eyes as the creamy, cool, minty sweetness embraces my tongue and runs lazily down my throat.  A delightful moan passes my lips and I let out a contented sigh.

I put the gallon back into its frozen abode and head back to the computer.

I sit down, take a deep pacified breath, shuffle a few more stories, write a couple sentences, and my mind wanders.

Just one more spoonful.

I shake the thought off, and return my gaze to the computer screen unable to focus.  I start shifting stories again, exasperated huffs filling the room while I struggle with the layout.  I wriggle uncomfortably in my chair and exhale frustratingly.   I look away from the screen, close my eyes and irritatingly punch keys, trying to write.  My mind whirls as I muddle through words.

It all comes to a head and I stop typing.  I push back from the desk and move quickly toward the place I know I can find comfort, satisfaction, answers.  I yank open the freezer and grab my next fix.

Isn’t that just how our adversary wants us?  Desperate; grasping and clawing the air, trying to find delight and joy, comfort and peace, justification and answers in anything other than the One who can truly supply it?

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith… And the God of all grace…will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”   1 Peter 5:8-10

I have heard of people fasting, or giving up food for a specific amount of time in order to seek spiritual renewal or guidance.  A time for a person to spend praying specifically and strategically, humbling themselves so that the Holy Spirit will stir their soul.  But I have never understood it,

…until yesterday.

Yesterday I saw how easily I have allowed the devil to steal my focus, pillage my passion, and heist my devotion.  I have allowed him to seduce me and take my eyes off of Jesus, and I hadn’t even noticed.

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”   James 4:7

Instead of finding satisfaction in my God, I sought out food.

Instead of finding delight and truth in His Word, I pursued fleeting joy.

Instead of true comfort and answers, I chased empty promises.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.”   John 6:53

No more.

 

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