“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1
How do I, when in the midst of chaos (and my temper) bring out those soft words?!!
I only have a few short hours with the kids on the days I have to work but even on my days off, it seems I find myself yelling more and losing my temper more quickly. I see it sometimes in my husband, and it irritates me so much when I think he yells at the kids unnecessarily.
But why, when we do it ourselves, it seems justified?!!
I lost it the other night when my five year old son was trying to open the cake saver with his oldest sister’s birthday cake in it. I asked him not to (I could foresee the mess, of course, that was about to ensue) but he continued to try to figure it out trying to open it anyway.
The lid popped off, slid right into the cake, and…
I lost it.
It wasn’t even the fact that he ruined the cake (because I’m cool with eating any type of birthday cake whether it’s in pieces or whole) but it was the fact that he directly disobeyed me.
The problem was, I screamed at him.
Over cake.
I didn’t stop to control my temper, I let it out to do its destructive work and now I’m sorry for it.
I did sit him down later, after the sparks were through flying and the embers had cooled, to explain why I was upset, to apologize and ask his forgiveness… but it’s not enough.
If I am truly sorry, I need to change because that’s what being sorry is…feeling sorrow for what I have done.
“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” Proverbs 29:11
I don’t want to be that fool any longer.
I ran across this brilliant blog post by Khamneithang the other day:
The wise old owl
A wise old owl sat in an oak,
The more he heard, the less he spoke;
The less he spoke, the more he heard.
Why can’t we be like that old bird?
Oh God, hold my tongue when I get angry. Help me to express my feelings softly, and like the owl… choose words wisely!
I Spy God 
If it’s any consolation, every parent has been where you were. And as I have explained (patiently and gently) to my children, while a parent may occasionally become angry to the point of yelling, ultimately we do love them as much or more than life itself. And we have their very best interests at heart. I’ve also tried to help them learn that a truly wise person knows that defiance and deliberate disobedience will almost always lead to receiving anger from the other side…and not everyone else is going to care as deeply about their feelings as their mama does. So it pays to learn to heed good advice and admonitions, whether they are given in a spirit of loving kindness or tersely ordered. And no matter where you are, who you are, how old you are, or what you’re doing (or why), having respect for authority is a good thing.
Thank you so much for your comment, and your encouragement!!
Nicole! I appreciate your transparency, as well. This seems so common among moms, these sorrowful feelings for letting our anger drive us sometimes. I often think of the Proverb you mentioned, “a soft answer turns away wrath.” I’ve noticed when my daughter is acting mean, it’s often a reflection of my own words and tone toward her. I’m so thankful that God teaches us and continues to help us each time to be more aware of what sets us off and prepare ourselves in those situations to answer slowly and softly rather than hastily and harshly. It’s a process, and I always try to show my little ones that even when I make mistakes I will admit to it and run back to Jesus for help. At least when I mess up it’s a good opportunity for them to see me receive his grace and admit that I was wrong to them. I know that he will continue to lead us and teach us to guide and answer our children more carefully. I can relate to you so well! I am so excited to meet you, too! 🙂
Ugh…isn’t that sobering when our kids act the way we do!! In speech, body language, and even with looks of irritation and disdain in their eyes?!! Whoa…yeah, that’s a hard one!!
Love your heart…keep writing, sister!!!