As I put on my jeans today I noticed immediately that I grabbed the wrong pair.  You know that snug feeling as you’re pulling up that unyielding denim, knowing that there is no way it will go over the saddlebags looming above.

Awesome.

Then, glancing down at what must be my skinny jeans, I notice my not-so-skinny-jeans stuck helplessly, hopelessly, on my somehow suddenly-much-more-swollen-than-last-time legs.

Aaaack!  Talk about impending muffin top!!

It broke my heart.  I sat down and cried out (quite literally) “COME ON!”

I ripped off the unforgiving denim, gave in to pulling on some sweats and stomped out to mow the grass.

I was so angry.  I was mad that I haven’t been eating well and I was mad that I had stopped exercising.  Sure, I worked full time and didn’t have a lot of time to spare, so I replaced exercise with extended prayer to seek God’s will and plan for my writing.

But now I’m not working.  I have time.

Last night, I spied God leading me to a wonderful blog post by: runninggalinsights.  It reminded me of what I miss from my early morning runs…

“I run. It’s where God and I hang out.
On each run, I spend it listening to Him (not an Ipod). It’s quiet out there on the road, me and my shoes and the open air.
Welcome to my wandering thoughts collected from miles on the road. This blog seeks to explore anything that relates to a healthier Spirit, Mind, and Body.”

As I mowed and spent some much needed time in God’s creation;
warm sun rays engulfing me,
smell of cut grass filling the air,
birds flittering in playful circles nearby…
I began to reflect upon runninggal’s blog…

What if one of the reasons I have been so unmotivated, so down, and so unsure, is because I have an adversary;

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”   1 Peter 5:8

…an enemy who wants nothing more than for me to turn from things of God and focus on myself, my feelings, my sorrow.

“That’s ludicrous,” I thought and tried to wipe the thought from my head.  I’m the one that stopped running.  I’m the one that chose what I put in my mouth.  But as I turned it over in my mind, I couldn’t help but realize the partial truth to it.

I found great joy in my early morning runs with God.  Not necessarily the running part, but the God part.  I experienced nature in ways I never imagined, and unlike runninggal, I do listen to music…but I tend to cry and praise God while I run.  Which I actually don’t recommend, because it makes breathing much more difficult, can be quite hazardous while running with closed eyes and hands raised, and it is NOT pretty.  Hence my early-morning-shadow-seeking-before-light-breaks runs.

A lovely new blogger friend God placed in my life: lovebugsworld was struggling a few days ago and she blogged about God giving her what she calls a “God wink” in her post: Day 14 #photoadayMay…

“And in that pic there is a tiny yellow flower that caught my eye. That put a knowing smile on my face!! Just as I was composing this, I was thinking about the silver lining of it all….it’s okay to began again. We are blessed to see another day. It’s another chance to be all that we can be and continue to do exactly what we were placed here to do!!”

and today I spied God winking at me.

While I continued to push the whirring mower in fairly straight lines, as the sun beat down and I was thankful to turn the final corner, something in the grass not too far from me caught my eye.  A tiny yellow flower.  It literally took my breath away, and I knew God was smiling, just waiting patiently for me to notice.

In that lovely, bright yellow blossom; a radiant bloom in barren terrain, a beckoning signal against a faded backdrop, a fragile and tiny gift that might have been overlooked had I focused on myself or my adversary much longer.

“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me–the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.”   Acts 20:24

But God reminds us to stay the course, do not get distracted or listen to lies the evil one whispers.  Trust His timing, His plan, and keep your focus, because He’s everywhere trying to catch your attention!!